I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
