guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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