Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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