Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
