I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He felt like a one man threesome
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
