you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
