We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
