i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
