So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
