I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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