I like to think it a success when the cops are called
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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