angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
