How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
