Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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