New low: just hacked my moms facebook
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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