He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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