Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
