So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
