well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
