it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
