no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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