im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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