ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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