My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
