One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
