I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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