I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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