So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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