Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
