Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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