Fuck appropriateness.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
