brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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