I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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