Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
