my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
