i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
