Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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