Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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