I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
