So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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