It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am one with the molecules
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
