it's not cheating when I paid for it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
