fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
