the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think i got beer on your cat.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
