i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How's work?
Spinning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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