So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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