You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
