that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
