My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
