My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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