i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize