I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You pole danced in your parka.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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