Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
