she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
