He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
