Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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