Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
