I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
