You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
