And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize