Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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