I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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