I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
