I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
