We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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