she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
